by Erica Sittler

Perhaps, all of us magickal folk fall into the mundane realm of “too much”.
Too much curiosity.
Too many questions.
Too many crystals/rocks, plants, hats.
This past Saturday in under 24 hours, I was either told, shown, or written to that I was essentially “too much” and to get back down in my place.

First response to first incident:
– shake it off
Seriously, what does that person know and why should I let their comment bother me. It did bother me, but I was trying to pull a Swift and shake, shake, shake.

Second incident response:
– left the room in shame, became violently ill.
It was a personal, imperious public snubbing by someone I considered a friend and I was mortified. I didn’t understand it. Couldn’t process any rationale behind it except the desire of the other to stamp me out of their circle. It was crushing, humiliating, brain numbing. It turned into a panic attack (in private) which for me involves a lot of uncontrollable shaking, followed by a what would look like the stomach virus from hades itself.

Third incident response:
– It’s not hives, but have you ever wanted to scratch your skin off your body? Specifically scratch your chest open to free your poor heart that is now in full blown flight mode? Yeah, that was me. My poor chest looks  like I ran straight through a briar patch.

Pain, pain, pain.

All this yucky “get back where you belong, which is not here.” As in a national civic group, me personally as a human, and where I actually live.

One day, I will have the strength of will and depth of knowledge in my craft to be able to more effectively deal with these as they come up. To snuff them out. This was not that day.

It was only later in the quiet darkness a full 24 hours later that I am able to assess more clearly a few tidbits to help put what had happened into clear focus and action steps I can do so it won’t happen again.

1. Where were my shields? Obviously, they were not deliberately set and engaged. Not recharged before entering a room. Not set over my mailbox. Not cast over my home before I left it for that day’s adventures. Not doing that shows a lack or weakening in daily discipline on my part. Can a shield last for more than 24 hours? Certainly? Yet how many days can it hold without being fortified? I suspect not as long as I’d like to fancifully imagine. At least for me, putting up that shield needs to be more than a morning holy stretch.

2. What is the state of my devotions? My Lorica Prayer? My daily and weekly offerings? Have I given in to an excess of shortcuts? Of “I’ll catch up tomorrow” ideals that never come true? Do I believe the spirit realm grows lax in its care for us if we grow lax in our care, or heed, of them? Yes, actually, I do. It’s not spite or retribution or punishment. It simply is the natural order of most things…even stalactites require a steady drop of moisture to grow.  Why am I not putting the sincerity of my devotion within my craft first and foremost daily? Time.

3. Visiting my inner temple. When was the last time I did that, really? For it is here my heart is safest. Here where I can listen and acquire wisdom. Here I can rest, recharge and be healed. Here I can sort and process the realities of my life. Again, I’ve not made this intentional time a priority in my current life, because I haven’t “needed” it. And, you know, I have been really busy.

Yet, when the pile hit the proverbial fan this weekend, I came crashing down like a sandcastle against the incoming surf. Ridiculous, sad, and completely avoidable.

Because l, let’s face it: I am too much and the time has come to stand firmly in that muchness. For you also. To radiate and glow and rejoice in the fullness of it all. And that is a very good thing. The world craves and needs that muchness even while some despise it. Deep down, you know and I know that the people who despise us are not worth losing skin or sleep or breakfast over…much less sneaking out of a room in shame. But to be able to withstand being despised or humiliated for being “too much”, we must be fortified with our shields, our devotions, and our time spent in our inner temple. Only then, can our faces light like flint and our eyes glow with an inner fire that burns and deflects such nonsense away. Our thoughts and hearts have much better things to focus on. Too Much.